by Phil Morse

You may have decided to cut back on alcohol or to quit drinking altogether in order to improve parts of your life. Or perhaps you’ve decided to take a temporary break from drinking as part of a “Dry January”, Lent, or a cleanse. But whether you goal is a long-term change in drinking habits or a short-term hiatus, you’ll likely run into a similar challenge: how to stay social without drinking alcohol.

You may be shocked to know that there are many others just like you right now in North Delta and Surrey, that are trying to change their drinking habits. Drinking alcohol and socializing go together in so many ways that trying to decouple the two activities can be a very tricky task. Perhaps you fear that if you’re going to have to find all new friends in order to have fun while being sober. Or maybe you are the kind of person that tends to use alcohol to help with social anxieties, and that your stress level will be unmanageable once you quit drinking. No matter how tightly connected your alcohol use is with your social life, it is possible to give up or cut back on your drinking while staying social.

While some of your friends may be more supportive than others, one thing you can do to improve your chances of succeeding is to find a sober buddy. Having someone that is on the same journey as you can make a big impact on your ability to manage the changes that come with removing alcohol from your life. They can provide the link to a new way of living and help you build a different social network, often without removing all of your current friends. Studies have shown that your social network (the people that you associate with outside of your family and your job) can play a vital role in your physical and mental health, especially when it comes to alcohol consumption. For some people, problematic alcohol consumption is triggered by being with certain people, which can be a tough thing to break when those people are in your social group. These same studies tell us that our ability to leave problematic social relationships and move into a healthier one (in this case a sober one) is the foundation for us to stop unhealthy behaviors. I know what you are thinking. Easier said than done!

Having a sober buddy is going to help us build a new social identity. One of the biggest drivers for problematic drinking is the ability to be honest – with ourselves and with others. By building one new healthy friendship, we begin to practice an honest way of living and can begin to see how this change can help with the changes we need to make in the rest of our social network. The next step would be to introduce your sober buddy to the people that make up your social group. Having them with you in a social setting can be the piece that helps you set boundaries and make it clear to others that you are serious about the change. You may be surprised at the support you receive for the decisions you have made. It will be a hard process, but will get easier as you go, especially once people understand how serious you are about making the change. You may have to make some difficult decisions regarding people that remain as a trigger for your drinking, or that seem unsupportive. Remember that you are making this change in your life for your own reasons, and that if they cannot understand why you are trying to stop drinking, they are not healthy for you and need to be stayed away from.

Of course, this seems too good to be true. Just find a sober person who is nice enough to be my friend and then build a new social network with supportive friends. I’ve got a helpful tip that may make all the difference. Right now, in your neighbourhood, there are other people that have made the same decision to remove alcohol from their lives. You can find them at various Alcohol Anonymous (AA) meetings being held on different days of the week. Studies have shown that AA meetings are located in areas of North Delta and Surrey where there are people who have admitted to participated in problematic drinking at least once a month, showing that the need for these meetings is there. Even if you are not an alcoholic, these meeting are terrific for people that are trying to make changes in their lives regarding their drinking habits. There are no judgements and the meetings are open to anyone. By spending an hour a week going to an AA meeting, you may learn something about yourself and gain the confidence to pursue your goals even more. And yes, there are lots of people of all ages, all genders, from all over that can help create a healthy social network for you to start building a new sober life right now. Who knows, maybe you’ll even see me there as well. Good luck!

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