“to gather again”
As BC is currently in Phase 2 of slowly reopening the economy amid Covid-19, there is a deep and unusual feeling of uncertainty within me. Going for a drive, I succumbed to the invitation of the lake. The wind pushed the water a little harder than earlier, creating ripples that moved to and fro, ascending then descending, as lines and curves would appear and disappear- this tells me that the dawn dance between wind and water has began.
The rock stood still as the water and wind continued to move. As if echoing my own thoughts, I may seem uninterested or apathetic on the outside, but deep down there is a whirlwind of emotions.
How concerned am I with what is going on? Am I excited? Fearful? Worried? Am I not yet ready for what is ahead, or am I elated to know we as a province are doing well? How can I move forward?
Taking a break from everything, I decided to go for a drive. I think with Goldsworthy’s (2004), and the way he engages and thinks with the world. Seeing this as an opportunity to further engage with my inquiry, I brought some toilet paper with me to see if there is a possibility for me to be in dialogue with what’s surrounding me.
Dichotomy of movement: toilet paper and driftwood
The huge boulders of rocks were too dangerous for me to come closer to as the tide was rapidly coming up. Spotting some driftwood lying down nearby, I decided to redirect my inquiry for the night.
Gathering up toilet paper that I packed up in my bag, I had the urge to attach some toilet paper in this broken piece of wood. As I lay the strips of toilet paper, the wind blew softly, pushing the strips to sway a little bit.
Over time, the strips became more fragile as water would constantly moisten its fibers. Knotting and re-hanging on the driftwood, I did my best to let the toilet paper stay on the driftwood. My position had to shift several times as the toilet paper kept being blown away so easily whenever a strong gust of wind would blow. There was this continuous desire to have the toilet paper stay and just hang, but at some point, it finally let go.
I felt so much disappointment as I watched the toilet paper disintegrate into smaller pieces. The toilet paper gave in too easily to the wind. As if being flushed down the toilet, it had already served its purpose. I have no choice but to pick it up and throw it away.
Personal reflections:
With most rules or bans being lifted and people starting to become more comfortable with gathering again in larger groups, I feel that if we are not careful enough, we might expect all our collective efforts the past few months to go down the drain. If we become caught up once again in our own selfish desires of gathering together without proper distancing, maintaining good personal hygiene, and so on, I wonder about the effects we will have in the months to come.
With all that is being shown in social media and the news, it feels as if my life is constantly being bombarded with an overwhelming amount of information- with little or no room for me to feel, reflect, to take in a little bit longer. Everyday contains different policies, rules, and regulations. As people become angrier and more restless, they move on their own- disregarding government advisory that once took complete control over our normal.
We are moving again, but this time, we are moving backwards. Clumsy, easily carried away, we move out of impatience.
References:
Riedelsheimer, T., Donop, A. V. & Goldsworthy, A. (2004). Rivers and tides: Andy Goldsworthy working with time [Film]. New York, N.Y.: Docurama : Distributed by New Video Group.
