Lived a 22-year-old life in this world, I have experienced many situations that can be qualified as life-changing. Every brand-new day is another new life, but the past influences it. Whether it has good or bad effectiveness in my life, it still counts as part of life experiences. When it comes to the topic of who I really am, as a matter of fact, I couldn’t tell. Even though I come from a country of more than 5000 years old country, China, that it has lots of previous examples that I can look up to identify where my destination is. It is still impossible for me to pinpoint my position in society. I need to be there personally to feel it, do it, and be part of the process so that I can fully understand what that is. The following aspects will be considerations of self-reflection on identity, consciousness, education, and worldview.
Regarding identity, it is frustrated that a person does not have his or her identity and belonging. In the past four years of living in Canada, I could not find my place here; in the meantime, I have lost a part of “me” that is coming from my hometown. I am standing in between the thin line, the eastern and the western. Where am I supposed to be? According to Lori Snyder, she said that her words are not accountable that we need to go find out ourselves. Indeed, her personal experience cannot answer. However, her philosophy could be useful as guidelines to sense my inner self, connect with nature, and get closed to my position here.
Concerning consciousness, there are various temptations around me and resistances inside my head. The “devil” part is winning the “war of life.” It turns out that my mind explicitly understands that leaning too much portion of life into leisure will cause unpredictable outcomes; however, my body and my daily activities unconsciously illustrate the opposite way of my mind. During the wasting-time activities on losing into social media and mobile games, such as Tik Tok, Instagram, Honor of Kings, and so on, seeking an escape to go after more than just leisure is my priority. My solutions to get away from the comfort zone are cooking for myself, making a cocktail, working out, and going to the supermarket. There are still lots of other ways to pull me out. Reading textbooks to prepare for the current classes could do the trick as well.
Speaking of the education that I am having now, I am a freshman, totally new to the university. I start my university life without any indication that I only experience the university remotely online. It is a feeling of losing connection with others. I am more like a person, who likes to be present, of observing others with cautions and thoughts, not in the evil ways, without speaking too much, but I do stand up for myself if I feel like I want to say something. There are reasons that I can think of why I have such behavior. One of those reasons is that I would like to find out the differences between me and the other.
As regards worldview, I have not comprehensively developed, but I am still working on it. I am fortunate that I have met some friends who are willing to listen to me and advise me. There was one time that I didn’t handle a thing appropriately at first. With my friends’ ideas and solutions, I had dealt with it properly. People always say that you don’t have a second chance. When I sit down calmly, thinking about it, there are many things alike in the past. In fact, there is always a second chance. It just comes to you in a different form, but the actual meaning of those things is the same. Everything is like a machine that runs in its way. The mechanism behind it is the same and needed to find out by myself.